The Not So Heroic Demise of Harry Potter and His
by Dryandra
Summary: Associates. (Sorry about the title; it won't fit.) Title says all.


The Not So Heroic Demise of Harry Potter and His Associates  
  
DISCLAIMER: No, we don't own Harry Potter. We merely poke fun.  
  
Written by Aquilas_Magus, Thefellowshipofthepoo and Dryandra  
  
~*~*~*  
  
It was a lovely day at Hogwarts castle. The sun was shining and the birds were singing. The bloodcurdling screams from the dungeons were almost completely drowned out by the cheers of excitement echoing round the Quidditch pitch.  
  
"Hark! What's that I hear? A bloodcurdling scream? Excellent. Here's my chance to be a hero once more. Oh joy." Harry was gleeful. He leapt off his broomstick, catching the snitch between his toes, not even pausing in his stride to absorb the praises of his adoring fans before striding towards the castle, and certain death.  
  
He met Malfoy on the way and punched him hard even though he was a changed man since the death of his father. As Malfoy rolled on the floor in pain he called out after the departing Harry, " God bless you Mister Potter. I forgive you if you will only forgive me all the torment I have caused you all these years!"  
  
Harry doubled back and stepped on Malfoy's face, squashing it into the mud.  
  
Then Ron and Hermione came up and added a few kicks for good measure, and everyone was surprised at their violence. Except for Professor Trelawney who ran around saying to anyone that would listen that she had, in fact, predicted this so she could wangle another payrise. Nobody listened.  
  
Then Malfoy had to go into traction with twenty five broken bones and Madam Pomfrey wouldn't fix him because she thought he was evil so they had to use Muggle technology and he spent six months in Prince of Wales Hospital in Australia. Unluckily for him, Traction Man heard his call for help and came to his rescue, but upon arriving he unwittingly flew through the window and slammed straight into Malfoy's head, causing him to go into a coma.  
  
Meanwhile, Harry had reached the castle, and was at this moment looking down a long tunnel into oblivion, where loud screams were echoing from deep within. Out walked Snape with severed student heads dangling from his belt, "Hey," he said, "Dumbledore lifting the ban on corporal punishment is great, huh?" He then stalked off towards his office, dripping a trail of blood behind him.  
  
Harry, Ron and Hermione blinked at each other.  
  
"I do think that this new 'freedom' has somewhat gone to his head." Hermione muttered. Upon seeing her friend's puzzled faces, she launched into one of her speeches. "The 1456 Decree of Tolerable Gruesome Punishment says, with unwavering clarity, that-" She was cut off by Harry aiming a powerful swing at her head.  
  
"Shut up," He grunted.  
  
"You look like Goyle when you do that," The girl whined. Ron elbowed her in the guts and turned the attention back to the chasm before them.  
  
" Who's going in first?" he asked, looking expectantly at Harry. Harry smiled at his friends, then arranged his features into an expression of intense concentration.  
  
"You!" He shouted suddenly, then shoved them both into the gaping hole.  
  
"That's taken care of them, then! Now I'm going to Snape's dance party in the Slytherin Common Room." Harry turned on his heel, stripping off his robes to reveal a purple sequined safari suit. Mrs. Norris turned round the corner and looked at Harry. She stood on her hind paws and scowled at him. "Wrriight, yourrr in trrrouble nowwww." She hissed. Harry blinked, before turning and running as fast as he could. straight into the black abyss. Peeves transformed back from his cat form and flew away, shreiking with laughter  
  
From the hole came a feeble cry of pain.  
  
"I'll GET you, Peeves! Arrggghh!" There was a chorus of screams and yelps as Harry landed with a thud on Ron and Hermione.  
  
Unluckily for Harry, no one really liked him any more because he was such a show off and had a bad attitude, so no one came to his rescue. And as for Ron and Hermione? The rest of the school decided that the place was already over run with Weasly's so they left him down there as well. Hermione they left because. well, just because.  
  
And that was the not so heroic demise of Harry Potter and his associates. 


End file.
